Very Valuable Answer By A Little Girl

Very Valuable Answer By A Little Girl:

A teacher asked a little girl: What your DAD do?

Girl replied: He works in a chocolate factory and brings lots of chocolate for me..

In the evening he works in an ice-cream parlor and I eat my favorite flavor…

He also works in a toys shop and brings me soft and cuddly teddy sometime.

He is also a teacher because he helps me in my homework.

He is very strong & hard worker..

He works from morning to evening and never get tired.

And

When he is back to home, he is always ready to play with me.

Note:
Kids don’t value what we do to earn the money. They give value to what we do to earn their love…

Uk Arctic Blizzard joke

A Government Warning Said That Anyone Travelling In Icy Conditions

 Should Take A Shovel, Blankets, Sleeping Bag, Extra Clothing

(Including a Scarf Hat &Gloves), 24 Hour Supply Of Food & Drink,

De-Icer, Rock Salt, Torch (With Spare Batteries), Safety Triangle,

Tow Rope, Petrol Can, 1st Aid Kit, Jump Leads . .

I Looked like an idiot the Bus This Morning.

Faulty Cuckoo Clock

At about 3AM, John was drunk as a skunk. He came home just in time to hear the cuckoo clock cuckoo

three times. Quickly coming up with a plan, he cuckoo nine more times, hoping his wife would think it was

midnight. He was very proud of himself.

The next day, his wife asked what time he got home, and he replied, “Midnight, just like I said.”

She said that was good, and for some reason she said we needed a new cuckoo clock. When he asked

why, she answered, “Last night when it cuckoo midnight, it cuckoo three times, said ‘Shit!,’ cuckoo four

more times, farted, cuckoo three times, cleared its throat, cuckoo two more times and then started giggling.”

Tickle Me Elmo Joke

There is a factory in Essex which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Shelley is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
…
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Shelley surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Shelley.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, ‘but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday…’

‘Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

Piece of black tarmac walks into a bar

Piece of black tarmac walks into a bar and shouts “im the hardest fucker in here”

The barman replies “of course you are mate, your a piece of tarmac”!.

Then in walks a piece of red tarmac and says “ill fight any fooker in here,who wants a beating”?

black tarmac stays silent!

Barman says to black tarmac “why didnt u say anythin, i thought u wanted a fight”?

black tarmac replies “i do,but im not messin round with him hes a fuckin cyclepath”

Very smart reply from one little boy.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read. ‘And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’

The teacher paused then asked the class: ‘And what do you think the man said?’

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly…

‘I think the man would have said – ‘Well, F#ck me!! A talking pig!’

The teacher had to leave the room.

One of my all time favorite irish jokes LOL

A customer asks “In what aisle will I find Irish sausage?” The assistant asks

“Why are you Irish?” Clearly offended, the man replies “Yes I am, but

 let me ask you something, if I had asked for bratwurst would you have

asked me if I was German? Or if I’d asked

for tacos would you have asked if I was Mexican?” “Probably not” says

 the assistant. “So why ask me if I’m Irish?” So the assistant says

“Because your in Halfords you thick cunt!”

Who enjoyed sex more

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about

 who enjoyed sex more. The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.

Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?” “That doesn’t prove anything,”

 the woman countered. “Think about this…when your ear itches and you put your

finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?”

A man and wife 25th anniversary Rude

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that

magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of

you, what was going through your mind?”

The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”

He replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”

How happy i was to see my mrs walk down the aisle

I’ll never forget how happy i was when i saw my Mrs. walking down the aisle towards me.

 My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable. It seemed to take an age

but eventually there she was, stood beside me. I gave her a cheeky wink and said,

 “Get that fucking trolley over here, they’re doing three cases of Beer for the price of two”

Put the glass down A Small Story With Powerful Lesson

Read this small story; Hope that makes a BIG change in YOU
.
The Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see & asked the students “How much do you think this glass weighs?”
.
’50gms!’….. ’100gms!’ …..’125 gms’ …the students answered.
.
“I really don’t know unless I weigh it,” said the professor, “but, my question is:

What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?”…. .
‘Nothing’ …..the students said.
.
‘Okay,

what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?’ the professor asked.
‘Your arm would begin to ache’ said one of the student
.
“You’re right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?”
“Your arm could go numb; you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!”
….. Ventured another student & all the students laughed
.
“Very good.
But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?” Asked the professor.
‘No’…. Was the answer.
“Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?”
.
The students were puzzled.
“What should I do now to come out of pain?” asked professor again.
“Put the glass down!” said one of the students
.
“Exactly!” said the professor.
Life’s problems are something like this.
.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache.
.
Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.
.
It’s important to think of the challenges or problems in your life, But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to ‘PUT THEM DOWN’ at the end of every day before you go to sleep…
.
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!
.
Moral
So, when you start your day today, Remember friend to ‘PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY!

A mother worried about her teenage daughter having sex

A mother worries that her teenage daughter is having sex and might get pregnant, so she consults several

parenting websites for advice.

Later that evening, as her daughter prepares for a date, the mother sits down to talk with her. “I know you

are adult enough to make the right decision about your body. But I want you to please try to abstain from

sex until you’re married. If you must have sex, then please use protection.”

Feeling proud of herself for being so pro-active, the mother hands her daughter a box of condoms.

The daughter laughs and hugs her mother. “Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry about that! I’m dating a girl!”